Scientist has world’s worst solution for Europe’s dwindling population

A Berlin-based scientist has unveiled a new solution for Europe’s declining birth rates: “the world’s first artificial womb facility.”

dubbed EctoLifethe concept is the brainchild of Hashem Al-Ghaili, a Yemeni-born biotechnologist and science communicator. His invention includes 75 separate laboratories, each of which can hold up to 400 adorable “growth capsules,” mimicking the conditions of a mother’s womb. Al-Ghaili claims that a single building can incubate 30,000 babies per year.

It’s the future your unborn child deserves. Just check out all the amenities the designer fetus will enjoy.

EctoLife can house the population of a large city.
EctoLife can house the population of a large city. Credit: Hashem Al-Ghaili

Greetings, humanoids

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Upon insertion into the pod, the embryo is monitored by sensors, which track vital signs, physical characteristics, and calls for help. All developmental progress is sent directly to parents’ phones. They can also use the mobile app to view high-resolution images of the tethered tyke, talk to it through the pod’s internal speakers, or don a haptic vest to feel its tortured kicks.

You can even subject your critter to your deafening warble.
You can even subject your critter to your deafening warble. Credit: Hashem Al-Ghaili

Another feature focuses on a niche customer segment: people who prefer that to be a fetus than having one. If you’re one of them, just put on a VR headset and watch 360-degree camera footage from the terrified toddler’s perspective.

Hashem Al-Ghaili
It’s like being back in the womb. Credit: Hashem Al-Ghaili

All this fun makes it easy to forget that your unborn child needs to eat. But don’t worry: all of the sprog’s nutritional and excretory needs are managed by two bioreactors. One pumps nutrients and oxygen into an artificial umbilical cord, while the second takes in the waste products.

To ensure the sprog contributes to sustainability, the discharge is then recycled into a fresh batch of delicious nutrition. It’s a bit like turning chicken shit into chicken salad, or spitting up your own vomit.

The recycled waste just looks delicious.
The recycled waste looks exquisite. Credit: Hashem Al-Ghaili

Once your bun is ready to come out of the oven, all you have to do is press a button. Then remove the bambino from the pod and enjoy the fruits of EctoLife’s labors.

Welcome to the world.
Welcome to the brave new world. Credit: Hashem Al-Ghaili

Of course, the system also includes AI, renewable energy and eugenics.

Customers who purchase the ‘elite package’ can genetically engineer their embryo before implantation. Thanks to tthe CRISPR-Cas 9 system, they can adjust the height, intelligence and even skin color of their offspring. What could go wrong?

Seems fine to me.
Seems fine to me. Credit: Hashem Al-Ghaili

Unfortunately, there is a small problem with the facility: it does not exist yet. But in Silicon Valley, there are plans to turn the fantasy into reality.

Big brains unite

Improving birth rates is one of Elon Musk’s countless projects. When he isn’t violate workers’ rights, slaughter animalsor being booed at comedy showsThe world’s richest edgelord worries about the population collapse.

Musk is terrified that there won’t be enough kids working on its future colony on Mars. To avert this tragic fate, the tycoon has sent a clarion call to his millions of followers.

Tech savants were quick to respond to their liege’s warning.

“We should invest in technology that makes having children much faster/easier/cheaper/accessible. Synthetic Wombs, etc,” Sahil Lavingia tweetedthe CEO of Gumroadan e-commerce startup.

“Differences in economic success between men and women are much greater once marriage + children enter the picture,” added Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin. “Synthetic wombs would remove the high burden of pregnancy, which would significantly reduce inequality.”

Al-Ghaili has now given the tech bros a vision of their dreams. The haters may label the concept as dystopian, but it’s far more innovative than, say, affordable childcare or workplace flexibility.


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