HEY BESTIE: I want to change my gender. How do I tell my partner? I want to stay with my partner, but I can’t hide who I am anymore.
Thank you for having the courage to ask this question. Gender transitions take a lot of time, medical intervention and often the best results are when you have a great support system around you.
Trans and gender diverse people make up an estimated two percent of the Australian population.
There are some great support organizations spread across Australia – my first recommendation would be that you reach out to them and get peer and professional support.
Having a conversation with your partner to let them know that you plan to change sex is a serious conversation that requires a safe space and a calm environment.
This is not a conversation that should be rushed, done in public, or when either or both of you are busy. Make time to start the conversation together.
The first step to having this conversation with your partner is to be completely honest with yourself about what you want and what you need from your partner.
Keep in mind that your partner may or may not have seen this coming.
They may or may not be willing or willing to have or continue the conversation. They may or may not be behind your decision.
They may experience a range of conflicting emotions. † .and that’s all fine. You may need to repeat the call a second or third time.
When it comes time to tell your partner, try to explain everything in full while being willing to explain it in small chunks and repeat yourself.
If you want to stay with your partner during the transition, it’s important to let him know, but also be prepared that he doesn’t want the same thing you do. Once you start the conversation, be prepared to experience a rollercoaster of emotions.
You may find that your partner is very supportive of your decision, sticks with you and fully supports you through the transition and beyond.
The transition road is long, very long, a bit complicated and just when you think it’s done there are usually a few more things to do like update your details with Services Australia, your passport, work details, etc.
Having a supportive ally or group of allies to be there, support, listen, help
After all, everyone deserves to feel loved and supported, especially during the transition.
Amanda Lambros is a sex therapist and relationship coach with nearly two decades of experience who takes pride in her “no bs” approach to solving your problems. She is also a certified speaking professional and has written several books on relationships, health and business that have sold over 150,000 copies.
Do you have a question for Amanda? Email [email protected] (don’t worry, we won’t publish your name!)